Some days I am amazed at myself! No hubris intended. I look at my life and wonder to myself, “Exactly…how did I get here? Really?”
Here I am, in the last couple of months that I will share residing with my now, totally grown, independent children, with whom I communicate very little, if at all. The whole of my existence is encapsulated in the smallest room of a house 30 minutes or more away from everything I do most often (work and church, and the friends from either). I spend so much on gas and car maintenance, quick and somewhat healthy foods, that I don’t have much of anything for luxuries like…thrift store shopping. I spend so much time going between the two places I frequent most, that my energy to be sociable is worn to a frazzle. And my house is really not my home.
And, then…there’s him.
I am in a relationship with a man I am certain will be my last husband. We both have ADHD that manifests in two different and distinctive ways. Our tastes in art and music are as similar as they are different. Our backgrounds are dangerously similar, and what God took 35 years to work out in me, I have had the privilege (and terror) to watch God work out in him in the span of the year we’ve known each other. It seems to be a really combustible combination. The wonder of it all is, we ignite without exploding and we have SO MUCH FUN together, even when we disagree. Part of the reason my grown children and I communicate so little…they don’t exactly approve of my choice. But, I had to remind them, I was grown when they got here. As such, I answer to God about these things, since He made me and they didn’t.
Nothing in my life is the way I’d hoped it’d be. It is not easy and certainly not glamourous. It has been a series of forward failings…I keep getting knocked down and kicked over, but as long as I pay attention to the direction in which I fall, I keep getting up heading in the right direction. As a desert baby, I have simply learned to roll with it.
It had to be almost 30 years ago, when I heard T.D. Jakes preach about desert babies. He was referring to the Israelites as they proceeded to make that 40 year journey. Their situation was such that they had to be ready to move at a moment’s notice. It required the ability to travel light, take only whatever sustenance was available for the day and, even in making plans, be prepared to drop everything to move when God said move.
As I have come to learn in the years since, the bottom line is, if we call ourselves followers of the Cloud (the Spirit of Christ that dwells within us), we cannot afford to take the departures of others from our lives personally. Unlike the days of that infamous mountain trail, we all have to follow the cloud, individually, even more than as a collective. Not everyone who shares our path at any given time is meant to take the whole journey with us. God leads us all on our own personal path. Not everyone can go where we are headed.
It is not wise to expect others to understand the path we are on. After all, the God who speaks to one, speaks to all. And, while His word is very specific about the general details of our collective destination, we each have a path to travel that is ours alone. We have to give an account for how successfully we’ve followed the Cloud for ourselves.
There is no kinship so vital as the ones who have been called to share your journey with you. Often, blood has nothing to do with, “the tie that binds,” when it comes to the path upon which we have been called walk. If it were the natural DNA that bound us to a common cause, Jesus would never have needed to say, “A prophet is not without honor, but in his own country, and among his own kin, and in his own house.” It’s usually the ones that are naturally closest to us that cannot see us from God’s perspective.
The only DNA that binds us to one another is evident in that we are obedient to the Word of God. Again, Jesus was quick to emphasize this when he was being summoned by His earthly mother and brothers. In Luke Chapter 8 is a small snippet situated between Jesus sharing deep thoughts and performing miracles. Jesus took only enough time to explain that, “My mother and my brethren are these which hear the word of God, and do it,” before He moved between the two.
Please understand: in no way should we disrespect or dishonor those to whom we have familial ties. It is the genetic pool from which God has drawn to equip us with basic traits so that we can understand and bind the generational curses, as well as activate and employ the generational blessings for our journey’s sake. Beyond that, we need to know that the only family that matters are the family that follows the cloud.
So, here I sit. In awe of how far God has brought me these 47 years on the planet. Resigned to the comings and goings of those who share temporary space with me, grateful to God for the time I’ve had to love and grow with all the desert babies passing in and out of my life. Excited to see how the changes in season will bring about greater victories in Christ, and greater opportunities to share my adventures with our Heavenly Father, with more and more people.
Thanks for rolling with me, Kaleidoscope Family.