Ok, so…I had notes saved to prepare my latest blog and I thought is was going to be a great subject. But they got deleted. Mysteriously vanished into the atmosphere. So I guess I’ll just tell you about what’s been going on.
As it turns out, I have been found by a really good man, whom I almost ignored for months. I honestly thought, “He’s a nice enough guy, but I can’t really see myself with him.” And still, he gently pursued. Not aggressive or pushy. With his friendly smile, cheerful disposition and very casual conversation, he was clear that he was interested in me. I didn’t realize that I had become interested in him, too. When I knew he was coming by my office, I found myself checking my mirror before I came out, and disappointed when I didn’t see him.
You need to know that, several years ago, I was working with a young lady at my church that had a bad break-up and in need of some friendly, objective counsel. I told this darling girl to make a list of attributes that she wanted to see in a mate, then start working to develop those same attributes in her. And on that day, we worked on that list together.
Since then, a wonderful guy found my sweet little Kenice that fit that list and only last year, they got married and moved out of state. She couldn’t be happier.
It made so much sense, I made a more personal list for myself, in the hopes that God would begin to manifest those attributes in my, now, ex-husband.
Meanwhile, back in December, I had taken a liking to the pursuit of this gentleman, but was still missing the point. God used a dear friend to bring to my attention that this was actually what I had been believing Him for…a man that thought me worthy of pursuit. He asked me one very bottom line question, “What are you going to do if he passes you by?”
Then, the Holy Spirit gently pointed out to me some very interesting attributes that I had discovered during the course of my conversations with this fellow (also confirmed through my conversations with a mutual friend of ours). God brought to mind 1 Corinthians 13 and superimposed his name in all the places where love was:
“He suffers long and is kind;
He does not envy;
He does not parade itself, is not puffed up;
He does not behave rudely, does not seek his own,
He is not provoked, thinks no evil;
He does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth;
He bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”
While it shook me up a little bit, my spirit bore witness. I could not disagree. Holy Spirit took it a step (or four) further. He used the voice of my own conscience. I had a conversation with myself.
Myself: Do you remember that list you made all those years ago?
Me: Yeah. I remember.
Myself: I don’t think you do. Let me show it to you…
In my mind, I saw that list. Then I saw my own hand with a pen proceeding to check off all these attributes, one at a time, until the list was completely marked off.
I could not argue. I could not speak. I just sat there thinking. What will I do if he passes me by?
I made a request to the Lord. I was specific. I was clear. I asked in thanksgiving and I sought God’s help to prepare myself to receive it. When I saw this gift, this promise, come by again and again, for THREE WHOLE MONTHS, I barely gave it a second thought, because it didn’t look like I expected.
I repented that instant and called this wonderful man right away. These have been the most wonderful, revolutionary seven weeks of my life. And to think, I almost missed it all.
In the weeks since, I have discovered so very many things that were never on that list; that I had forgotten about myself and what I always had in my heart. I have become reacquainted with myself within this relationship. Isn’t that very much like God? I’d been a victim of identity theft for so long that I forgot the things about myself that made me the most ‘me.’ He sent someone to remind me who I am and he had to make more than one pass by me before I even recognized that the gift he was trying to give me is ME.
Look around you. What gift is God trying to give to you that isn’t packaged quite like you expect? Who or what has God given you that feels familiar to the person you were born to be? The end of 1 Corinthians 13 talks about knowing even as we are known. I believe the first most important thing we come to know is who we are. We can never do what God is calling us to do until we know this important thing. Here, in the land of GREATER, the more of myself I give to God the more He gives ME back!