A couple of Saturdays ago, I had an extraordinary experience.  It was actually a miracle of sorts, though, to the untrained eye, it may have seemed quite insignificant.  While spending the afternoon at my guy’s house, I felt a little tired, so I laid down to take a nap…and I slept.

Now, before you look at me sideways, this was no ordinary nap.  As a matter of fact, this was particularly exceptional.  Not because of the the bed or the room.  Not for the friend who loves me so, watching TV in the other room.

It was a gift, as dear to me as any perfume or favorite book signed by the author on the first page. This felt to me like a piece of heaven as I laid my head down that day.

What is it that they say about Heaven?  It’s a place where there is no more fear; no worry; no confusion; no loss. There is no concern for the future or fret about the past. Only peace.  It is the eternal Sabbath.

I sat upright on the bed for a minute to soak in the sensation.  This was completely foreign to me.  Literally only weeks before my 45th birthday and I have never felt this sense of rest in the whole of my life!


It felt good! Well…maybe not good.  It’s not as if there was a sense of exhilaration.  There was no over expression of any particular emotion.  The moment was, however, totally devoid of ANYTHING negative.

It actually made me think of a song from my childhood church;”Blessed quietness, Holy quietness.  What assurance in my soul…”

There was a Holy Quietness in my soul.  I wasn’t worried about anything, although there were several things I could have been justifiably worried about.  Even though I had so much to plan, strategize, think about and even ponder, there was nothing on my mind.

It was such a phenomenal sensation, I felt like crying…only…I didn’t really want to. So, I just put my head down and went to sleep.

I know, in times past, I referred to the scripture that talks about laboring to enter into God’s rest.  That’s a thing that requires discipline and laser like focus on the love and word of God, and a willingness to lay your cares down and leave them at the foot of the cross. This was different.

It made me think of the woman with the issue of blood.  She had every reason not to even have the wherewithal to crawl through the press.  And yet, there she was, head first into the fray, forcing her ‘heart and nerve and sinew to serve their turn long after they are gone.’

I can amagine everyone else – anyone who didn’t know the story – to say to themselves, “It’s just the hem of His coat, for goodness sake! What’s the big deal, really?”

That lady was in the press of her life to get something that the whole world around her took for granted. She had a clear shot at GREATER, and she took it. It paid off.  Not only did she get the healing she so desperately needed.  She was made WHOLE.  Her name; her household; her REPUTATION; her FINANCES were ALL RESTORED.  She got her “Blessed Quietness.”  That was the extra.

The rest that she labored to enter into was the healing.  The gift was the WHOLENESS.

Like that woman.  That gift is something I appreciate so much more because of all the years I have had to fight against my mind, will and emotions to bring them into alignment with God’s word. When you are born into an existence filled with so much strife, confusion and deception IN GOD’S NAME, it takes an act of God to make it right.

I was telling my sweetie about the subject of this post.  He smiled that cute, sheepish smile of his, shrugged his shoulders and said, “that happens to me all the time.  I just put my head down and fall to sleep like it’s no big deal.”

Like it’s no big deal.

Everybody has something they struggle with that seems to come easy to the people around them. Mine is…WAS rest.  I mean REAL REST.  To turn off your mind without the aid of sex, drugs OR rock & roll; no lullabyes; no all-cried-out-coma; no indigestion-laden, over-fed-itis state…just stop, drop and roll over.

Much like the woman with issues, I began this press so long ago, I cannot remember the beginning. But I do remember the beginning of the end…

It was the first time he wrapped his arms around me.  I felt totally protected and loved. All the fight just…got up and left.  I survived 45 years of piece-meal protection, and in that moment, I felt totally safe. That was my healing. Now, I am in the process of being made whole.

I had always know that feeling was possible. I could grasp the Biblical concept and attempt to employ it, but it took a lot of work to get to the hem of His garment. But, after that day…

Let’s just say after taking my clear shot at GREATER, I look forward to living in the fullness of it all. And I intend to hold onto it (him) for dear life.

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Me (more or less…)

Ok, so…I had notes saved to prepare my latest blog and I thought is was going to be a great subject.  But they got deleted.  Mysteriously vanished into the atmosphere. So I guess I’ll just tell you about what’s been going on.

As it turns out, I have been found by a really good man, whom I almost ignored for months. I honestly thought, “He’s a nice enough guy, but I can’t really see myself with him.”  And still, he gently pursued.  Not aggressive or pushy. With his friendly smile, cheerful disposition and very casual conversation, he was clear that he was interested in me.  I didn’t realize that I had become interested in him, too.  When I knew he was coming by my office, I found myself checking my mirror before I came out, and disappointed when I didn’t see him.

You need to know that, several years ago, I was working with a young lady at my church that had a bad break-up and in need of some friendly, objective counsel.  I told this darling girl to make a list of attributes that she wanted to see in a mate, then start working to develop those same attributes in her.  And on that day, we worked on that list together.

Since then, a wonderful guy found my sweet little Kenice that fit that list and only last year, they got married and moved out of state.  She couldn’t be happier.

It made so much sense, I made a more personal list for myself, in the hopes that God would begin to manifest those attributes in my, now, ex-husband.

Meanwhile, back in December, I had taken a liking to the pursuit of this gentleman, but was still missing the point. God used a dear friend to bring to my attention that this was actually what I had been believing Him for…a man that thought me worthy of pursuit. He asked me one very bottom line question, “What are you going to do if he passes you by?”

Then, the Holy Spirit gently pointed out to me some very interesting attributes that I had discovered during the course of my conversations with this fellow (also confirmed through my conversations with a mutual friend of ours).  God brought to mind 1 Corinthians 13 and superimposed his name in all the places where love was:

He suffers long and is kind;

He does not envy;

He does not parade itself, is not puffed up; 

He does not behave rudely, does not seek his own,

He is not provoked, thinks no evil; 

He does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth;

He bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”

While it shook me up a little bit, my spirit bore witness. I could not disagree. Holy Spirit took it a step (or four) further. He used the voice of my own conscience. I had a conversation with myself.

Myself: Do you remember that list you made all those years ago?

Me: Yeah.  I remember.

Myself: I don’t think you do.  Let me show it to you…

In my mind, I saw that list. Then I saw my own hand with a pen proceeding to check off all these attributes, one at a time, until the list was completely marked off.

I could not argue. I could not speak.  I just sat there thinking. What will I do if he passes me by?

I made a request to the Lord.  I was specific. I was clear. I asked in thanksgiving and I sought God’s help to prepare myself to receive it.  When I saw this gift, this promise, come by again and again, for THREE WHOLE MONTHS, I barely gave it a second thought, because it didn’t look like I expected.

I repented that instant and called this wonderful man right away. These have been the most wonderful, revolutionary seven weeks of my life. And to think, I almost missed it all.

In the weeks since, I have discovered so very many things that were never on that list; that I had forgotten about myself and what I always had in my heart. I have become reacquainted with myself within this relationship. Isn’t that very much like God? I’d been a victim of identity theft for so long that I forgot the things about myself that made me the most ‘me.’ He sent someone to remind me who I am and he had to make more than one pass by me before I even recognized that the gift he was trying to give me is ME.

Look around you.  What gift is God trying to give to you that isn’t packaged quite like you expect? Who or what has God given you that feels familiar to the person you were born to be?  The end of 1 Corinthians 13 talks about knowing even as we are known.  I believe the first most important thing we come to know is who we are. We can never do what God is calling us to do until we know this important thing. Here, in the land of GREATER, the more of myself I give to God the more He gives ME back!

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