Gosh…It’s Really QUIET In Here…

I’ve got a snoring old man sleeping in my bed right now.

It’s my ex-husband’s dog, Vincent. My ex brought him over to visit. He used to be the family dog, but we couldn’t keep him.  One of the best friends I’ll ever have. I was craving his presence…

I have been relegated to radio silence.  In my prayers aloud, my voice has softened.  In the conversations with God in my head, I have no volume, no reverberation and no particular tone.  It is mostly code…groaning which cannot be uttered.  In a voicemail I left for myself, I did not recognize my own voice.  I usually cringe at the sound of my voice, but this actually sounded…nice.  I played the message 3 or 4 times. How odd is that?

There has been a paring off of my primary associations.  For one who is friendly to all but familiar to extremely few, that is already a very lonesome disposition.  I don’t know how lonely it is at the top, but if it’s anything like where I am right now, I may be well suited for it.

That’s why I needed the unassuming, unadulterated affection of my good friend, Vincent.  I do not care that he licks my face after having licked…well…anything else.  All I know is he will lick my salty tears and lay all of his 65 pounds across my lap as long as I rub his head and scratch his butt…which, incidentally helps me think and makes me rest.

Vincent was my personal escort to that quiet place I used to know. That’s the place where I don’t have to know how it’s all going to work out. I just have to know I belong to God and God loves me forever.  It’s enough to help me move forward with my destiny in mind, not in search of a plan, but in search of the next well lit step.  One step at a time, one moment at a time.  That’s all any of us gets.  That’s all any of us needs. And that is the moment I will live in; that moment of silence where I wait on the next step God will reveal. I will let that be enough.

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