Kicking and Screaming…Or Not…

Me and God had a disagreement this week.  Couldn’t exactly call it an argument…my only responses were relegated to glib, smart-aleck remarks.

“You think You’re funny, don’t You?”

“That’s not cute, God.”

“Really? No…REALLY???”

“You…I…HMPH…I’ll be right back.”

“Can we not do this RIGHT NOW? PLEASE???”

For the last few weeks my emotions have disturbed my state of ‘mild disappointment and calm delight.’ I have strived for years to maintain this state in some of the most unimaginable of circumstances.  The cause for disruption is usually the same: I got a word from the Lord.

I got another piece of the puzzle and was told where to put it…but it didn’t make sense.

HOW IN THE WORLD do you give me a snapshot of the entire puzzle, snatch it away and then hand me one more piddly piece and say, “Just put it down right there.” It’s a CORNER piece, Daddy! DANG!!!  Why do You want me to put it in the middle when it isn’t connected to ANYTHING? How does that make any sense??

MAN, did I act like a BRAT this week!  I huffed and puffed and stomped my feet. I grumbled and pouted and generally stank up the place.  But you know what?  I discovered that was okay, too.  I am, after all, human.  I would like to say I took comfort in the fact that I, like everybody else in these carbon-based earth suits, have permission to misbehave a little bit.  I thought I was better than that.  As it turns out…not so much…on either count.

And just like any really good dad, God gave me the space to vent and when I was all cried out, he told me why that piece fit there and just said, “Trust Me.”

My little trip to the woodshed concluded with me in my office, on my face, with my hands opened up like a cup, poured out.  I was in a state of completely repentant surrender.

No, I don’t have to like the process…but I trust God.  Getting a glimpse of the picture is exciting and can make me want to rush the process to experience the whole picture, but I have to wait for things to unfold as they should.

I am fighting against the layers into which I am encased.  Fighting and scratching to release myself is not the wrong thing to do, but it is exhausting. Both the fight and relinquishing the fight are necessary. Eventually I will be strong enough to break through and I will soar.

Until then, the struggle continues…


2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Genaea Carson
    Oct 05, 2013 @ 09:11:39

    I didn’t think anybody was listening. You have shown me myself.



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