Notes From Within The Cocoon…


I haven’t written since I posted, post-surgery.  God knows I have wanted to.  Blame it on the season I’m in…or rather, on my way out of.

Every time I try to communicate about what I’ve been experiencing as of late, some new kind of ‘shifting’ takes place.  It’s left me with very little time to adjust, gather and organize my thoughts for communication before another shifting.

There are a number of emotions that hurl themselves at me with each shifting. It is taking everything in me to manage them. I haven’t the wherewithal to speak of them and face them at the same time.

This transition is very dark and…slimy (I guess is the right word). There is a lot going on and I can’t see my way to speak of it…yet.

I will try to post the occasional note. It may have little pertinence to those who do not believe in such evolutions.  It may sound nothing like my usual blog posts.  I certainly won’t be as wordy.

I solicit your prayers and good wishes. I know that something beautiful is about to emerge when this is over.  Beyond that, I know nothing.

Lessons Learned in Letting Go…


I have really missed writing this last month! I have had SO much to talk about…so many changes in my life.  A lot of stuff I cannot even speak on, but there is plenty that I can say. It’s all good.

There is only one word that applies to my life this year; RIDICULOUS!  God spoke to me in July of 2012 and told me, “This is the last broke year for the rest of your life.” That was cool and everything, but as it turns out, that meant I was about to be stretched beyond my imagination…again.

So far, this stretching season has resulted in seven months of agonizing pain and violent sickness,  a new position  at my old job, a COMPLETE divesting  from my ‘natural’ siblings,  acknowledging that I haven’t been married for YEARS so I can accept that I’m getting a divorce, a possible new love interest, and opportunities to make a COUPLE of fortunes all hanging in the balance.

I know, right?

I have never been afraid to acknowledge my past. This was a season to let go of it. Many of the people, some of the places and very nearly all of the things that were tied to my past have fallen from my grasp. God is gracious.  He never snatched them away.  He simply asked me to let go and give them to Him. 

After much deliberation, this is what I can tell you I’ve learned in letting go…

Letting go begins in the heart and in the mind.  Not everything is within your physical grasp. But if in your mind and your heart, you cannot imagine being free of a person, place or thing, it will always be captive to your imagination.  And in the case of a person, you  are not only holding yourself hostage, you’re holding them hostage, too.  It can be a cruel and insensitive thing to keep someone from moving on.   But until you can see your way clear to imagining a life without them/that/it, you can move away and never move on.

Letting go cannot be forced.  No one can make you let go.  Anyone that tries to, even if they mean you no harm, can do you no good.  Sometimes, inadvertently, when someone in your life is too enthusiastic about you letting go, they end up confusing the issue and you are left wondering if you’re not  making a huge mistake. People who understand this are prone to look wishy-washy to the untrained eye.  So many of the people I sought for advice refused to give any, because they knew if they took a position it would cause me to question their intentions.  More than that, I began to question my own intentions, which caused me to seek God more and people less.

God will present the proper motivation to let go that brings clarity. That motivation is usually someone completely detached from the situation.  That someone will bring a word in due season and it will alter your entire perspective on the subject. That life-changing moment will happen in an instant and when it’s done, that person may disappear like an angel unawares, or they could become a permanent part of your existence. Either way, thank them, thank God and take action.

Letting go doesn’t mean the story is over.  It only means the featuring characters of that chapter have nearly run their course.  Loose ends need to be tied off.  There is still plenty left to the process, but a definite conclusion is forthcoming.  You will notice how much easier it is to flow into the process (even if, at times, it seems the pace is not to your liking), because it has been settled in your mind and heart.  There is no more ambiguity.  You see the exit clearly. There may be a few hurdles left to jump, but you will experience an exorbitant amount of grace in the times you need it and the victory will indeed be sweatless.

Being closer to death than I would ever wish to be helped clarify my perspective, so did a gift of love, and the support of real friends and family.  I am blessed beyond measure to be on this incredible journey. I am grateful to all of you who choose to be along for the ride.  Hang in there with me, y’all…this is gonna be FUN!!!

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