Hey, y’all! I missed talking to you! It feels like it’s been forever, since I’ve been able to put fingers to keyboard to communicate with you!
Just ONCE, after an extended absence, I’d like to NOT say, “I’ve been in the fight of my life…again.” But, yeah…there it is. I’ve been in an especially challenging scrape…again.
The last time my boys and I were homeless, we were hoping to be covered and guided by the head of our household. That didn’t really go so well. We’ve been living in the fallout from the series of decisions that put us in that mess, ever since. Living our lives under the radar. Making choices with the end result being mere survival…nothing more. Nothing about that situation and the ones that followed set us up to be established, contributing members of society.
Between us, there was not one survivable income. At one point, we “lived” on my unemployment check of $89.00 a week; first, living in the renovated garage of a wannabe slumlord, then renting and eventually squatting in a foreclosed home until we were discovered and legally asked to remove ourselves. Just trying to maintain on food pantries and grunt work and whatever hustles we could get on at any given time. Then, with the help of a friend, we rented a house on more (but not quite) official terms. It was still under the radar. And, while it was more formal, it was not entirely the most legitimate situation.
Today, the ‘boys’ are now very grown men. And we have found ourselves in a similar predicament. That ‘almost official’ rental was sold and we told them we would leave in 30 days. At the end of those 30 days, our situation, while much improved, had not completely manifested in the time we hoped it would. With the cleaning crew of the new property owners at the door, we quickly put our already packed belongings in a truck and waited on God.
And, in my waiting, I went to sing my first solo, in over a year, in our church’s new building, “It is well.”
I was, again, reminded whose I really am.
Almost 4 years ago, when I started this blog, I raved, ad nauseum, about my church and those who were, at the time, my former (and are once again) employers. Once again, Lighthouse Church of All Nations and PASS network for life, lead the charge in the preservation of my household. They provided my sons and I with places to lay our heads and store our stuff.
That is the present state of my circumstances.
So, when I quote Psalm 37:25 (in my own paraphrased version), “I was young and now I am…MORE; yet I have NEVER seen the righteous forsaken, nor His seed begging bread,” know that I KNOW WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT!!
PLEASE KNOW THIS…even though we were homeless, we were not without a roof over our heads. I don’t know how it feels to live under a bridge or on a corner, or even in a shelter. For that I am grateful. But, I do have a very distinct compassion for those who have had that experience.
Welcome to the weird weekend of the paradigm shift!!
After a month or more of disappointment after disappointment, by this past Saturday afternoon, I was so very nearly about to break. So much so, that I did not trust the thoughts in my head to repeat them aloud.
It’s not that things were so awful. My boys and I are all gainfully employed for the first time in the history of our family. We are now legitimately and legally capable of taking care of ourselves financially. Finally, we are established enough to incur credit and be real contributors to society and the economy. We just didn’t have a home…yet. But after so many years of doing without, it was really starting to get me down.
When, out of the clear blue, I began to sing, “Up above my head, I hear joybells ringing. Up above my head, I hear angels singing. There must be a God somewhere.”
And things began to break.
By Saturday night, a promise was being kept
Then, Sunday, particularly at the 11am service, the words to the song we sang came alive in a most significant way.
“You called me out of darkness into light. The power of satan is broken. I’m free, I have new life. You’re a great and marvelous God.”
My mind began to rehearse some key moments in my life and God began to speak.
“Do you see? There’s nothing left of who you were. There’s nothing left to go back to. And, this last attempt of the enemy to keep you in the old patterns has now failed…completely. You’re free to be who I called you. Trust that…walk in it…it’s yours now.”
And I wept.
I wept for every person the enemy used to keep me at a substandard existence, and I prayed for God to bless them and show them mercy.
I wept for the strange, wonderful and BEAUTIFUL creature I’ve become (and I make no apologies for admitting my own beauty…you don’t know how long it took for me to see it for myself!).
I wept for the gift of communication that I am now about to use to it’s fullest for God’s glory and for the gifts and talents of my mighty men of valor that are being established to turn the world upside down.
I wept for all the wonderful, beautiful people, too many to mention, whom God has placed on our path to aid and guide and support us on this strange (and considerably dramatic) journey.
I wept for the home we are moving into next week. We will use this opportunity to make the transition to GOD GIVEN SELF SUFFICIENCY. Understand…our total dependence GOD is the ONLY REASON we are now able to take care of ourselves and not be subject to those who would keep us under their dominion.
And I thanked God for ALL OF IT.
In the conclusion of a most poignant Thanksgiving season, I have much to be thankful for…including YOU. Thank you KP family, for lending me your ears. I promise not to abuse the privilege
We’ll talk again soon…